Us

By now, a lot might be cursing their head off at me. In my previous post, i mention something about writing a controversial post. Joyce even called it a masterpiece. I had to admit, that moment when i enter my previous post, i really had this feeling in me to write something controversial. Something that everyone had been wanting to know. But as days gone by, that feeling of mine faded away. Not because i tried to hide it within myself once again but mainly because i already truly understand the meaning of happiness.

To be honest, that happy Dominique Ban that you all see each time you met me is not the true me. Behind that happy laughter, i had a lot of worries and sorrows. Not that i purposely make myself in that condition but i just cannot show that side of me to everyone because i always believe the only way to make others happy, is to show them a happy face.

I know there had been something that a lot of you curious people would love to know. Some of you might already knew about it but this entry is for those who is still wondering about the truth between me and her. Let me start it off from the beginning.

About 6 years ago, i met her in school. It was a love at first sight for me. It wasn't easy for us to begin but we manage to strive through. We were together for about 3 years. In that 3 years, there were a lot of happy memories in which i can tell is irreplaceable because we can never be 18 again. Then a lot had happen, we went on and off a few times until a moment in which i was controlled by a possessive demon. I came up with all kind of tricks to win her back. She treat me good. She didn't want to hurt me. That's why she always agree with me. Never once she fought back and say that I'm wrong. Sometimes she even obey my instruction. At times when she is angry, she will scold me and ask me to leave. But never once she is strong against me. I will come up with all kind of tricks to get myself back in her life again. It was until a year ago that she went over to UK to further her studies, it was at that time that i started to reflect on myself. I find myself an idiot in her life. Then i started to ignore her and tried to forget her. But things just doesn't stop that easy for us. There were times when i tried to call her but i received her call instead. There were times when i was typing an sms for her and i received an sms from her even before i sent mine. Sometimes i called her and i got the engage tone only for me to realise later that she was trying to call me at the same time. You might be wondering, if i said i tried to ignore her and forget her, why did i call and sms her. The answer is " I'm an idiot." She came back to Malaysia 2 months ago. I went back to Penang. She came to KL. To be honest, i had no idea what's my feelings for her. I'm just too afraid to be with her again. So most of the time when we talked about us, we will just joked it off. Same goes to her, i guess, she's so afraid that she might hurt me again. Moreover, there is someone who is always next to her. I don't even have time to talk to her and most of the time I'm 400km away from her. Things just couldn't work again for us.

Some of you all might be very angry at me after reading this. After all those complaints i make to you all, in the end, it is me, that is doing something against my own principle. Hate me all you want, I deserve it.

If you all are still not sure about the truth between me and her, the following song will make it clear for you all.



感情線

我想我已開始有點疑惑
I think I'm starting to doubt
好像被他說中些什麼
as if he had said something right
難道已經沒有別的選擇
do we really have no other choice
只能乖乖的束手就策
but to only quietly obey to let go
難過的是我們做了選擇
what is upsetting is we've made a decision
是對是錯誰也沒把握
Not sure who's right or wrong
如果要我放手才能獲得
If I must let go to obtain
為何在我心中有捨不得
then why is there a sense of hesitation in my heart

看著你要走 還裝著笑容
seeing you leave, yet I pretend to smile
掩飾的脆弱要撐多久
how much longer must I endure my frailness
如果現在開口 如何挽留
If I speak now, How can I persuade you to stay
感情這條線 註定只能這麼遠
this line of affection was it destined to only last this long

不敢相信已經來到終點
can't believe we've reached the end
想你愛他必定多一些
believe you must have loved him a bit more
我們之間不可能再回到從前
there's no way we could have return to the past
我還傻傻畫著 幸福線
but I still foolishly continue to draw the line of happiness

看著你走遠 還繼續裝笑臉
Seeing you going far I continued to put on the smiling face
掩飾折磨我能撐多久
How much longer can I endure hiding my pain
如果現在開口 (現在開口) 怎麼挽留 (怎麼挽留)
If I speak now how can I persuade you to stay
感情這條線 註定無法延長一點
this line of affection was destined to have a limitation

你已不在 而我何時才清醒
you're already gone but when will I wake up
相信一切都是命
and believe this is all fate
不曾放棄你 我不會說什麼
I will give you up soon I won't say anything
默默的承受 像個男子漢
I could only silently accept it like a man

看著你要走 (Baby 看著看著你要走) 還裝著笑容 (多麼多麼笑容)
seeing you leave, yet I pretend to smile
掩飾的脆弱要撐多久 (還要撐多久)
how much longer must I endure my frailness
如果現在開口 (現在開口) 如何挽留 (如何挽留)
If I speak now, How can I persuade you to stay
感情這條線 註定只能這麼遠
this line of affection was it destined to only last this long

看著你要走 還裝著笑容 (we will carry on)
Seeing you going far, Yet i pretend to smile
掩飾的脆弱要撐多久(knowing there were words I've never said baby)
how much longer must I endure my frailness
如果現在開口 (現在開口) 如何挽留 (如何挽留)
If I speak now, How can I persuade you to stay
感情這條線 註定只能這麼遠
this line of affection was it destined to only last this long

Let the words remain unsaid

He saw her. She saw him. They smiled and walked towards each other. With a empty mind, they hugged.